Spitball Army

V-mail was originally based on the British “Airgraph”, and was an unusual and ingenious system for delivering mail from United States troops to home addresses during World War II.  V-mail correspondence worked by photographing large amounts of censored mail reduced to thumb-nail size onto reels of microfilm, which weighed much less than the original would have.  The film reels were shipped to the US, sent to prescribed destinations for developing at a receiving station near the recipient, and printed out on lightweight photo paper.  These facsimiles of the letter-sheets were reproduced about one-quarter the original size and the miniature mail was delivered to the addressee.

V-mail was composed of a letter that folded into its own envelope.  The user would write the message in the prescribed space, fold the letter/envelope form, address it, affix postage and then the mail was on its way.

Propaganda poster produced by the U.S. government during World War II to promote the use of V-Mail.

According to the National Postal Museum, “V-mail ensured that thousands of tons of shipping space could be reserved for war materials.  The 37 mail bags required to carry 150,000 one-page letters could be replaced by a single mail sack.  The weight of that same amount of mail was reduced dramatically from 2,575 pounds to a mere 45.”  This saved considerable weight and bulk in a time in which both were hard to manage in a theatre of the war.  It also eliminated the threat of spies using microdots or invisible ink to send reports.  Any microdot would not be photographed with enough resolution to be read.

Although the system of V-mail ensured that more pieces of mail were able to be shipped and delivered than a larger, bulkier mailing would have accomplished, many soldiers found that they did not have enough room in the limited available space in order to write all that they had to say.

 – Borrowed from Wikipedia, the “free encyclopedia”

There  was an upright piano in the far corner of the room beyond the wooden tables and Bill went over and started to play.

“I got to keep warm,” he said.

I went out to find the woman and ask her how much the room and board was.  She put her hands under her apron and looked away from me.

“Twelve pesetas.”

“Why, we only paid that in Pamplona.”

She did not say anything, just took off her glasses and wiped them on her apron.

“That’s too much,” I said.  “We didn’t pay more than that at a big hotel.”

“We’ve put in a bathroom.”

“Haven’t you got anything cheaper?”

“Not in the summer.  Now is the big season.”

We were the only people in the inn.  Well, I thought, it’s only a few days.

“Is the wine included?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Well,” I said.  “It’s all right.”

I went back to Bill.  He blew his breath at me to show how cold it was, and went on playing.  I sat at one of the tables and looked at the pictures on the wall.  There was one panel of rabbits, dead, one of pheasants, also dead, and one panel of dead ducks.  The panels were all dark and smoky-looking.  There was a cupboard full of liqueur bottles.  I looked at them all.  Bill was still playing.  “How about a hot rum punch?” he said.  “This isn’t going to keep me warm permanently.”

I went out and told the woman what a rum punch was and how to make it.  In a few minutes a girl brought a stone pitcher, steaming, into the room.  Bill came over from the piano and we drank the hot punch and listened to the wind.

“There isn’t too much rum in that.”

I went over to the cupboard and brought the rum bottle and poured a half-tumblerful into the pitcher.

“Direct action,” said Bill.  “It beats legislation.”

– Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

In a surprising and unexpected press release, the family of Dave Thomas, beloved founder of the #3 hamburger chain in the nation, today endorsed the presidential candidacy of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“We feel that Senator Clinton has come full circle since the days when she scoffed at the idea of baking cookies,” reads the statement, presented before a small group of media representatives at Wendy’s Dublin, Ohio headquarters.  “As Dave Thomas said, ‘Give everyone a chance to have a piece of the pie.’  Let’s give a woman a chance.”

Thomas’s magnanimous personality and conviction that everything earned must be returned was a hallmark of his reputation as a savvy businessman and willing philanthropist.  He was a constant media presence and recognizable face from television commercials up through his death in 2002.

Zachary Schnock, temporary spokesperson for the restaurant chain said, “Unlike our old slogan ‘Always great, even late,’ we at Wendy’s felt that an early stand in the campaign to change America was crucial.  We believe that having a female character as a figurehead has allowed Wendy’s to forge into new territory in the burger business.  We believe that our great nation should be allowed to blaze a similar trail.”

On a day when the political world was abuzz with news of the benediction of Sen. Barack Obama by fellow Sen. Ted Kennedy and his niece, Caroline Schlossberg, there seemed to be no apparent impact from the Thomas family announcement.  The only comment allowed on the record by an executive at McDonald’s was unrelated to their competitor’s political endorsement: “Their burgers are square.”

(photo: Angel Franco/The New York Times)

I read the news today, about a gang of kids who broke into Robert Frost’s winter farmhouse in Vermont and had a party.  This was no mundane social gathering – the evidence of the event provokes a grainy cinematic mental image in which a human sub-species unleashes itself within the walls of the historic home and hurls objects, burns furniture, urinates and vomits at will and wherever it feels the need.  Oh, boy.

I can remember overstepping the bounds of sensible behavior while a sophomore in college, and pinning, on our common room wall, a drawing of the Ayatollah Khomeini centered within the image of a dart board.  Below the picture, a caption read, “Put a Hole-ah in the Ayatollah.”  Without thinking about the consequences, my roommate and I and several of our friends had a grand time playing darts while Elvis Costello records spun at a high volume on the turntable, destroying not only the picture of the Ayatollah, but the wall behind it and – when our aim was not so true – around it, as well.  Yes, we paid for the damage – with both money and a meal of humble pie.

But that behavior pales in comparison to what this group did at the Homer Noble Farm in an isolated wood in Vermont.  For maximum visual impact, check out this slide show of the damage.  The story can be found here.

As described in Dan Barry’s essay, the cretins made their way through the idyllic setting of birch trees and snow drifts, past the historical marker designating the plot’s relationship to the great poet, and proceeded on their ruinous path.  One might think that the natural setting would have a calming effect, or that the weight of importance of the location would give them pause.  Surely, there was one educated person among the 30 or so of them who thought, This is the home of one of our nation’s great literary artists, one who described what we are doing right now – walking by the woods on a snowy evening – a snowy evening just like this one:

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Surely, the knowledge of this poem and its beauty nudged that one kid to consider that they were trampling on sacred ground.  But if that thought did, in fact, occur, he or she very capably suppressed it.

Could this happen anywhere?  Of couse, it could.  But – at this time – it has happened in Vermont.  So, if you have been assuming that the savages would eventually invade from the south, think again.  It looks like they have already infiltrated the North.

I wouldn’t bet on it, not in this case anyway.  I would imagine that this particular bumper sticker – distributed to retailers, with all of the information about the CD release on the backing paper – encouraged the sale of more bumper stickers than soundtrack CDs.

I present herewith an apparent top secret message left in the local CD store at an undetermined date and time prior to its discovery on January 14th 2008.  The top secret message was excavated from beneath a row of 22 used jazz CDs.  It is not known if the message reached the ever-vigilant eyes of its intended recipient.

Written on the back – and reproduced here for everyone to see – is the urgent mission statement.  I can only hope that the task was accomplished, and that all involved slept soundly that evening (after a thorough scrubbing and a shampoo, as forts in central Alabama are known for their earthiness).

(Garsh, how I love my new scanner!)

…but have these people ever been introduced to the cigarette butt collecting device known as an ashtray?

Both of the following YouTube videos have been viewed over 7 million times, so chances are that you’ve seen them.  I’ve seen them a few times each myself, so why not one more time…for a hearty, harmless laugh?

Talking Dogs (ROFL!!):

Talking Cats (eerie):

Thoughts I had while watching last night’s Democratic debate:

When two or more people are having an argument, and they each accuse the others of an inaccuracy in their statements, the accused invariably defends himself or herself by saying, in some form, “No, I didn’t” or “But, you said….”  If we weren’t there to hear them say the contested statement, or place the contested vote, or if we don’t have their voting records at hand – this would be most of us, frankly – we have no way of knowing who is telling the truth.

My favored candidate, Senator Joe Biden, dropped out of the race early.  At this point, I am trying to determine which of the remaining Democratic candidates suits me best, and I like aspects of all of them.  But I do not remember John Edwards being the “poverty candidate” when he has run for office before.  Was he?  Why all of this hammering of his so-called life-long commitment to eliminating the poverty class at this point in time?  Mmm.  Because he wants the job.  He is definitely pushing all of the RFK buttons, and I revere RFK.

I was home this afternoon, and for part of that time had MSNBC on, and there were at least two segments an hour going on extensively about getting Bill Clinton to shut up.  (What is up with that?  Was there as much noise – and at this volume – when Elizabeth Edwards made snarky comments about her husband’s opponents?)  One of the segments closed with footage of the former president falling asleep during a sermon given by Martin Luther King III.

Barack Obama just said that he would have to see Bill Clinton’s dancing abilities before he could judge whether or not he was indeed a “brother” or, as Toni Morrison called him, “the first Black president.”  He paused for a long time before answering this question.  I was waiting for him to say simply that Bill Clinton is white, not black, and that Toni Morrison – a poet – was just using her poetic license.  Surely, he’s noticed.

Obama just said “if I am President,” which breaks from his all-evening tradition of “when I am President.”

John F. Edwards is not saying much during this seated segment of the debate, nor did he get much focused camera time during the previous segment.  It is almost as if he is the “token” candidate, and this thought puts my head in a spin.

Hillary Clinton was just asked about her husband’s outspokenness on her behalf.  She name-checks Elizabeth Edwards.  Obama flirts with saying that Bill is getting the facts about him wrong, but doesn’t go there completely.

John F. Edwards just said that the accepted Democratic strategy should be planning how to beat John McCain in every region in America.  Did I miss something?  He also just said that he has never taken lobbyist money  – for the third time this evening.

CNN just aired a commercial spot for ESPN U with a voice-over by Ricky Jay.  I guess when he’s not performing card tricks at the Kennedy Center, this is how he pays the bills.

Barack Obama just stated that he is a “proud Christian,” so now that family of squirrel hunters across the state line in North Carolina can quit telling their friends that he is a Muslim.

John F. Edwards lobbyist statement #4.  Hillary has had enough of it, and whacks him over the head with a Nerf bat.  That’s the version that I’m running in my head, anyway.

Obama just used the word “ancilliary.”  That’s ancillary, pal.  Ancilliary is the new nucular.

…so while we’re waiting for her, let’s make a video!  Yes, this is Ryan Adams.