Spitball Army

In a surprising and unexpected press release, the family of Dave Thomas, beloved founder of the #3 hamburger chain in the nation, today endorsed the presidential candidacy of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“We feel that Senator Clinton has come full circle since the days when she scoffed at the idea of baking cookies,” reads the statement, presented before a small group of media representatives at Wendy’s Dublin, Ohio headquarters.  “As Dave Thomas said, ‘Give everyone a chance to have a piece of the pie.’  Let’s give a woman a chance.”

Thomas’s magnanimous personality and conviction that everything earned must be returned was a hallmark of his reputation as a savvy businessman and willing philanthropist.  He was a constant media presence and recognizable face from television commercials up through his death in 2002.

Zachary Schnock, temporary spokesperson for the restaurant chain said, “Unlike our old slogan ‘Always great, even late,’ we at Wendy’s felt that an early stand in the campaign to change America was crucial.  We believe that having a female character as a figurehead has allowed Wendy’s to forge into new territory in the burger business.  We believe that our great nation should be allowed to blaze a similar trail.”

On a day when the political world was abuzz with news of the benediction of Sen. Barack Obama by fellow Sen. Ted Kennedy and his niece, Caroline Schlossberg, there seemed to be no apparent impact from the Thomas family announcement.  The only comment allowed on the record by an executive at McDonald’s was unrelated to their competitor’s political endorsement: “Their burgers are square.”