Spitball Army

The dialogue in Deadwood sounds like Shakespeare being dragged behind a stagecoach driven by George Carlin.

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The Five-Year Engagement (2012): In which two grown women have an argument in front of the kids, using the voices of Elmo & Cookie Monster.

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Across the Bridge (1957): A crooked financier running from the law assumes another man’s identity. Twist? The other guy’s a wanted murderer.

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I would tell you another element joke, but all the good ones Argon.

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One hydrogen says to another: What’s wrong? The second hydrogen responds: I lost an electron. The first asks: Are you sure? To which the second replies: I’m positive.

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Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.

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Why were these steaks labeled as Mexican Ribeyes? Are Mexicans tough? Do they fall apart under intense heat? Is it the beef’s tannish hue?

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How many seconds does it take a talk show moderator to tell the final respondent that there are only thirty seconds left in the show?

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Unauthorized cinnamon.

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The au pair prepared to pare a pair of pears.

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