Spitball Army

Here is a short piece of mine that was recently published at Postcard Shorts (“As much as you could more or less fit on a postcard,” according to the online journal’s submissions guidelines.).

By the time you read this, I will have come and gone, but I thought you ought to know where I had been. The carpets in the lobby here have been replaced with runners of tan and blue. They really set off the white oak floors, but I missed seeing the fiery red and gold plush that led off in all directions from the concierge’s desk. Those carpets massaged our bare feet then. You and I walked it all that weekend, back and forth to the cabana. This trip, I wore sandals.

Remember the glass changing room just off the pool terrace? It’s been replaced by a juice bar. Seems fitting, really. All that glass. Dangerous.

Our room was one floor below the honeymoon suite. Felt as if I was eavesdropping on my own history, but the couple upstairs was quiet. Never heard them, either night. Remember our voices echoing in that bedroom? The suite must not have been occupied, is my guess.

I’ve never believed myself to be a lucky man, so I’m still not sure if I’m dreaming. If I am, I hope to never wake up. I’m taking half these winnings and putting them in a bank account under your name. Should be enough to cover your essential bills for at least three years. Robin and I are going out of state. Please don’t try to find me.

I’ll be leaving a box of Jordan almonds in your fridge, with the banking information attached.

Thanks for understanding.

[V-mail addressed to Ralph N., Richmond, California.  Return addressed to E.R.G., C.M. 3/C, 55th Battalion, Company D, Platoon 4, c/o FPO San Francisco, California. Envelope postmarked 21 September 1943 at 11:30 p.m.]

Sept. 12 – 43.

Dear Ralph –

Your V-mail of Aug. 25, arrived last night so will drop a few lines in answer.  So Dee Burke is in the shipyards too, huh?  Boy what a surprise but don’t jump too much if you even see Lucas in there as a flanger’s helper.  Ha, ha.  Tell Dee, the next time you see him that the Gov’t can use him in seeing that us guys get a decent fit in shoes.  He fixed my feet once.  Remember?  It’s Sunday afternoon over here and we have the P.M. off.  Another fellow and I hiked up into the hills and jungles, took a few pictures, and then found some long vines hanging from the tops of the trees.  Boy what fun we had.  You should have seen us swinging to and fro like a bunch of apes or like Tarzan.  I’m sorry I can’t send you any pictures from over here, the censor says “no,” you know.  Can’t even get ‘em developed here now.  Latest news is that in about a month we finish our job here and then head back to our old headquarters in Australia.  I guess the gold braid thinks we can stand some rest and relaxation.  Perhaps be there a month or so and then onto a new job in another area.  Sure be nice to get back amongst white folks once again.  A place where you can get beer, ice cream, milk shakes and buy a meal for a change.  Be nice to see a white gal again too.  Hope we have a long voyage before our next job.  Well Ralph, write again soon, huh?

So long now
Bud.

This piece was published in 100 Word Story‘s August edition, though the online journal printed the initially-submitted draft. The version below is my final submission to them, after they requested some revisions. I think it is superior to the one they ultimately chose to go with. The editorial restriction was that the story be exactly one hundred words in length.

Hector Gonzalez, feared by the neighborhood youth, lives in his family’s garage and hangs black lights on the big door, forcing us to sneak in from the back. We rifle through his records: Zappa, Santana, Hendrix. I steal one I know he won’t miss. When he names me the perp, my sister gets up in his face, defensive. Hector swings a roller skate, grazing her scalp. Soon after, Mr. Gonzalez begins parking his Plymouth in the garage and Hector vanishes. Forty years pass. Hector fatally overdoses. Memorially, I spin his Watergate Comedy Hour LP, laugh, stop, look over my shoulder.

Card is titled: “794 – The Totem Pole, Monument Valley. Photograph by Frank E. O’Brien.”

Printed on back of post card:

Monument Valley is in Southeastern Utah near the Arizona border. The Totem Pole is one of myriads of maroon monuments and pinnacles which rise out of the red desert towering into the blue sky, it is 12,000 feet high and casts an evening shadow thirty-five miles across the desert.

Publishing information:

Distributed by Lollesgard Specialty Co., Tucson and Phoenix, Arizona. Genuine Curteich-Chicago “C.T. Art Colortone” Post Card (Reg. U.S. Pat. Off.).

It was 1960.

Approximate playing time: 79 minutes.

1. Percy Faith and his Orchestra  “Theme from A Summer Place”
2. Fats Domino  “Walking to New Orleans”
3. The Everly Brothers  “So Sad (To Watch Good Love Go Bad)”
4. Frank Sinatra  “Nice ‘N’ Easy”
5. Hank Ballard & the Midnighters  “Let’s Go, Let’s Go, Let’s Go”
6. Chuck Berry  “Thirteen Question Method”
7. Maurice Williams & the Zodiacs  “Stay”
8. Brian Hyland  “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini”
9. Tony Bennett  “The Best Is Yet to Come”
10. Bobby Darin  “Beyond the Sea”
11. Dinah Washington  “Baby (You’ve Got What It Takes)”
12. Carla Thomas  “Gee Whiz”
13. Ben E. King  “Spanish Harlem”
14. Jerry Orbach, from the Broadway cast of The Fantasticks  “Try to Remember”
15. Brenda Lee  “I’m Sorry”
16. Etta James  “At Last”
17. Don Gibson  “Sweet Dreams”
18. Patsy Cline  “I Fall to Pieces”
19. The Drifters  “Save the Last Dance for Me”
20. Jerry Butler  “He Will Break Your Heart”
21. Smokey Robinson & the Miracles  “Shop Around”
22. Chubby Checker  “The Twist”
23. The Regents  “Barbara Anne”  [with Wolfman Jack outro]
24. Barrett Strong  “Money”
25. Elvis Presley  “It’s Now or Never”
26. Julie London  “Black Coffee”
27. Ray Charles  “Georgia on My Mind”
28. Joan Baez  “All My Trials”
29. The Shirelles  “Will You Love Me Tomorrow?”

Some notes on the songs:

• Percy Faith’s “Theme from A Summer Place” was the number one song on the Billboard pop charts on the day I was born.
• I’ve included Chubby Checker’s “The Twist” on this playlist, but he also released “The Hucklebuck” in 1960. Friends of mine know that I frequently mention “The Hucklebuck” – the Chubby Checker version, specifically – as one of my top three or top five favorite songs of all time. And I hadn’t heard it – consciously – until the last decade.
• Question Number One (“Let’s have some fun.”) is not a question at all. It is a statement.

[V-mail addressed to Ralph N., Richmond, California.  Return addressed to E.R.G., C.M. 3/C, 55th Battalion, Company D, Platoon 4, c/o FPO San Francisco, California. Envelope postmarked 23 August 1943 at 11:30 p.m.]

August 12, ‘43

Dear Ralph –

Your letter of July 30th arrived tonight and I was sorry to read about your Model A getting banged up.  Say, I’m surprised that that old jalopy is still running.  By the way, aren’t you about due to blossom out with a new car?  I can hardly wait to get back so I can get a halfway decent car again.  Boy will that feel good after having to spend so many years afoot.  Remember our conversations about the Seabees before I left Calif?  None of it turned out as we had figured, it’s strictly a military construction outfit with very little chance to pick up future valuable knowledge.  Also the way you learn to do things in the Navy is entirely different than the way you would attempt to do it in civilian life.  Therefore, time spent in any of the branches of service (in wartime) is more or less wasted as far as future usefulness is concerned.  Something to remember in case your number comes up.  Personally I’d say, stay there as long as possible.  I’m still in perfect health and hope this finds both of you the same.  Tell your mother “hello.”

So long for now
Bud.

I live in the Crestwood neighborhood of Birmingham. There is a movie theatre down the street from me called The Edge 12. I can walk there from my home, if I so desire. This theatre has twelve screens. They frequently show films of great merit. They also show films for everyone else. We all get to choose.

(photo: spitballarmy.com)

Four new films have opened at The Edge 12 this week:

[Read more →]

Two caller I.D. messages on my phone tonight: one from “Obama,” one from “Unknown.” Why doesn’t the third-party candidate call me?

[V-mail addressed to Ralph N., Richmond, California.  Return addressed to E.R.G., C.M. 3/C, 55th Battalion, Company D, Platoon 4, c/o FPO San Francisco, California. Envelope postmarked 24 July 1943 at 6:30 p.m.]

July 14 – ‘43

Dear Ralph –

Your letter of 6-25 arrived today and I was glad to get some of the home-town news.  It seems that the mail service is much slower both ways now that we are up here in New Guinea.  Say you fellows and gals are sure doing a good job up there at that rate.  Keep up the record.  I hear the news from S.F. every night at 6:00 P.M.  Of course it’s 1:00 A.M. at that time back there.  We came [CENSORED] a nice product, sturdy and easy going.  Check back and see if you did any “pipe tacking” on her.  I guess you’re right Ralph, the first act of the big show is probably now on.  This is a beautiful country over here, but just ot visit.  Remember how we used to think [CENSORED] during the winter?  That was just [CENSORED] friend, and I mean just that. [CENSORED]  All steel and iron turns to rust and all cloth, leather and wool turns to mold.  I wished I could have been amongst that bunch from [Attu].  I saw it in a Seattle paper a week ago.  I guess I won’t be back that way till ’44 or ’45, if then.  I hope this finds you both as well as I am.  So long for now Ralph.

Write again soon
Bud.

The July 24th home-grown kitchen lesson: skinning tomatoes, in prep for making tomato sauce.