Spitball Army

He that abideth in truth will have Frankincense and Myrrh smeared on his gums in abundance, and he shall dwell in the house of the Lord for six months, with an option to buy. But the wicked man shall have all kinds of problems. His tongue shall cleave to the roof of his upper palate. And he shall speak like a woman, if you watch him closely.

– Woody Allen, Love and Death

She caught his eye, arriving after the last song, dejected. He, with guitar, sat down on the lip of the stage and sang one to her.

From today’s news at al.com:

Woman named Jesus Christ called for Jefferson County jury duty

By Erin Stock — The Birmingham News
December 01, 2009, 4:30PM
Jesus Christ was called for jury duty this week in Jefferson County.

Court officials were skeptical at first when on Monday a potential juror submitted a name change form with “Jesus Christ” on it. But the 59-year-old Birmingham woman, who previously went by Dorothy Lola Killingworth, assured the presiding judge that was her name.

“It raised eyebrows, so I asked her if that were truly her name,” Circuit Court Judge Scott Vowell said. “She assured me that it was. She had her name changed in the Probate Court, and she presented her driver’s license.”

Christ was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case. She was excused because she was disruptive, court officials said. Instead of answering questions, she was asking them, a court employee in Jones’s office said.

Efforts to reach Christ today were unsuccessful.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said she and others in the jury assembly room were somewhat shocked at first when the woman insisted Christ was her name. And when her name was called, several potential jurors laughed out loud.

Unlike some Jefferson County residents, Christ did not try to get out of jury duty, Turner said.

“She was perfectly happy to serve,” said Turner.

The mayo in the jar was runny: he suspected his visiting mother who, in her thrift, would add water to near-empty shampoo bottles.

The $10.90 debt hung on for months, the rain turned their dusty Oklahoma town to mud, but the train always came at the right time.

The range flashed “F2;” flames burst out the oven door. Under the layer of black molten sugar was a perfect sweet potato casserole.