Spitball Army

With all of the turmoil in the market today, with the collapse of Lehman Brothers, with the acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America (etc.), the following might be some good advice. For anyone with any money left lying around, be aware of these next expected mergers. Forewarned is forearmed, so get in on the ground floor and make some big bucks!

Watch for these consolidations later in the year and in early 2009:

• Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, The Fuller Brush Company and W. R. Grace Company will merge and become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace;
• Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Zesta Crackers will join forces and become Poly/Warner Cracker;
• 3M will merge with Goodyear and become MMM Good;
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge and become Zip Audi Do Da;
• FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become FedUP;
• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will form Fairwell Honeychild;
• Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become Poupon Pants;
• Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become Knott NOW;
• Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name Titty Titty Bang Bang.

[I really hate those unsolicited, jokey e-mails – yes, I ripped this off from a piece of spam – but every now and then you get a good one like this.  I have no idea if this has been heavily-circulated or not, but here it is again, whether new or overkill.  Enjoy!…I wish I’d thought of it.]