Spitball Army

I see how little kids might find you creepy, she says between potluck bites, referencing his age and name-checking Santa Claus.

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“Wank” is not a word in Scrabble.

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Rick Perry: “I am the Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” Me: “I am the Tim Tebow of slacker bloggers.”

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Rick Perry: “I am the Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” Me: “I am the Tim Tebow of film projectionists.”

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Rick Perry: “I am the Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.” Me: “I am the Tim Tebow of appliance salesmen.”

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I never lie, he tells them, you should know that about me. Beat. But (peering over glasses) are you sure I wasn’t lying just then?

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A customer (used loosely, nothing purchased) told me today he’d been “Obamasized,” meaning that he’d lost his job. Huh? This resource (http://tinyurl.com/8a6r64j ) did nothing to clear things up.

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I love the moment in Water for Elephants when they discover that the elephant responds to Polish commands. Otherwise? Meh.

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This new Kindle Fire is wonderful, but the neighbors’ unprotected wireless access FTW.

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When I hear that space music come on, I fly across the room in a race to see which hand can shut the damn thing off first.

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