Spitball Army

“Fetal” has absolutely nothing to do with “feta,” just so you know.

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There is an item on the McDonald’s menu called My Sweet Warmth. It’s listed just above the Hot Cherry Pie. #notkidding

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I’ve slid syringes into oranges and injected saline into my cat. But when the nurse pulls the needle on me, I quake like an aspen.

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An ad warns against putting feet on theater seats, depicting an offender pelted by a soda cup. One bad behavior replaces another.

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James Spann (right now [January 23rd] on TV): “This storm has hung in there like a hair in a biscuit.” Wuht?!

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Got one of those Scrubbing Bubbles devices for the shower; I hung it up and it sprayed me in the face. At least I was wearing glasses, and at least my glasses are now clean.

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The manager of the local Dunkin’ Donuts is a Kerouac-loving New Yorker novelist who has a Hunter S. Thompson dagger tattooed on his forearm.

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I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. -Woody Allen

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Trump says he has his ducks in line to run for POTUS. You know: Donald, Howard, Daffy, Peking.

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MER Y CHRIS AS announces the flashing LED sign beside the Alabama gas station. FRI D PICKL S $1.00

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