Spitball Army

Because of how it’s done at work, he now thinks of intimate activities in terms of close rates: not how often, but how successful.

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Mother is 81 today; her grandson’s 18 Friday. I suggested they swap their nearly identical ages. She liked that idea; he wouldn’t.

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Essential historical primer on policy, activism & bureaucratic hypocrisy. But: “Age of AIDS?” We’re still in it.

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One won’t vote for POTUS, who’s pro-Palestine & pro-gay. Other’s voting for POTUS because he’s not anti-Palestine or anti-gay.

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I wonder how many people living in Trussville, Alabama, actually know what a truss is?

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I ALWAYS get the lyrics right when I just move my lips without making a sound.

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“Your to funny,” she messages to me. “Their, their,” I want to respond, “I hadn’t ment to be humerus: Its just an observation.”

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They call him Mr. Hanky. He’s three years old, and all he wants for Christmas is a kitchen. Supposed specialty: sausage biscuits.

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After a grueling workday, they lean behind the dumpster, smoking and grabbing at flies. Redemption is a crushed and lifeless bug.

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Perfect Hair Guy asks what I think of his Filipino mail-order bride idea. “I really value your opinion.” Suddenly I’m without one.

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