Spitball Army

When I go to the Winn-Dixie, I like to go through the self-checkout line and choose Spanish instead of English.

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Everything about this L.A. noir is so over the top, it nearly exists in its own genre universe. Let’s call it “camp noir.” A femme fatale with a stately British accent; a character named Jojo; a mystery drug that revives gassed convicts to life. Nurse: Why don’t you talk to me anymore? Aren’t you listening? […]

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Errol Morris gleefully puts Donald Rumsfeld’s relentless contrarian parsing of language on infuriating display.

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Mamet film where heavily-manicured language lends an unbelievability to the proceedings. The word bombs, however, are awesome: [Heist word bomb example #1] He (on telephone): Everybody needs money. That’s why they call it money. [Heist word bomb example #2] He: Save the bullshit, your guy says he wants to do the job. She: Is that […]

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A co-worker used the word “agreeance.” I laughed, explained its non-wordness (also not a word). He hadn’t heard of Fred Durst, either.

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I wonder how many people living in Trussville, Alabama, actually know what a truss is?

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“Your to funny,” she messages to me. “Their, their,” I want to respond, “I hadn’t ment to be humerus: Its just an observation.”

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I don’t know if I am more aghast at the shrill idiocy within the text or the shameless copyright infringement of the Godfather design.

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At work, I was asked to stop using words people can’t understand in my monthly meeting minutes. Words like “adjourned” and “respectively.” They should know better than to make requests like that of me. I will start writing the minutes using only words of five letters or less. Or I may compose an entire meeting’s […]

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Later, I went through the self check-out line and chose “Spanish.” Mmm, that lady inside the computer sounded so sexy: “bolsa,” “credito.” Highlight of my day.

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