Spitball Army

When the night shows
The signals grow on radios
All the strange things
They come and go as early warnings
Stranded starfish have no place to hide
Still waiting for the swollen Easter tide
There’s no point in direction
We cannot even choose a side.

I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft
We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping.

Approximate playing time: 78 minutes.

1. Peter Gabriel  “Here Comes the Flood”  (1977)
2. The Soundtrack of Our Lives  “Psychomantum X2000”  (1998)
3. The Sleepy Jackson  “God Lead Your Soul”  (2006)
4. Kevin Tihista’s Red Terror  “Ride”  (2004)
5. Cousteau  “Your Day Will Come”  (2001)
6. The Folk Implosion  “Gravity Decides”  (1999)
7. Pernice Brothers  “Snow”  (2005)
8. The Visible Man  “Fuzzy Freaky” (Mark Walk and Ruby mix)  (1997)
9. The Herbaliser  “Scratchy Noise”  (1996)
10. Squirrel Nut Zippers  “Blue Angel”  (1996)
11. Wes McDonald  “Pirate Fish”  (2005)
12. Bobby Womack  “California Dreamin'”  (1997)
13. The Stories  “Brother Louie”  (1973)
14. The Doors  “The Wasp (Texas Radio and the Big Beat)”  (1971)
15. Elvis Costello  “Kinder Murder”  (1994)
16. Joni Mitchell  “Love or Money”  (1974)
17. Mason Jennings  “East of Eden”  (2002)
18. Ken Stringfellow  “Here’s to the Future”  (2001)

The wars of pride and property
The rebel Irish and the promised land Jew
Fighting behind his eyes and over seas
Wounded in action and no ceasefire in view
Brave reporters bring the battles home
But tonight inside that box
It’s just more bang bang ketchup color to him
Just more Twentieth Century Fox.

I’ll tell you this:
No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.

[Written to Alice in Indianapolis, Indiana.  Return addressed: Richard, Ward 11, U.S.N.H., St. Albans, L.I., N.Y.  Postmarked at Jamaica, N.Y., on 13 Feb 1946 at 1:30 P.M.]

Printed on the front of the card:

To My Wife on Valentine’s Day

Printed on the inside of the card:

The finest flower of them all –
     An Orchid – just for You –
For you’re the finest girl of all –
     The dearest Wife, it’s true –
And when I realize that you
     Are really, truly mine,
I put my heart and all my love
     Into thie Valentine!

Written on the inside of the card:

I’m all yours Sweetheart
     And you??

I love you Sweetheart
                     x x                  winkle

I. I’m dreaming in over-saturated colors again. The man with the microphone asks me to quickly name all of the songs on the Monkees’ second album. I pause, mouth agape, and finally blurt “Your Auntie Grizelda,” then am interrupted by the buzzer. The audience groans. I roll over, slam my hand on the alarm clock and try to open my eyes.

II. There is only one other person in the pool, in the adjacent lane. I stop to adjust my goggles and notice his waterproof ear buds. “What kind of radio’ve you got in there,” I ask him, “Music or talk?” “First draft of a sermon,” sayeth he.

III. The body pump instructor here is excitedly screaming “Over! Over! Over!” to a disco beat. His class, four women lined up directly in front of him and one man older than me keeping his own time in the back of the room, do their best to keep up. Meanwhile, just through the wall, sweaty men in the weight room pant and grunt in syncopation.

IV. From the piano, I can see her standing motionless in front of the pantry. What’s with all these dry goods, she must be thinking. No rice again, no rice again, I tap out on the keyboard. I watch her slide the canister of basmati behind two boxes of instant oatmeal. She is craving fruit and digs deeper into the shelves for a tin of Del Monte cocktail, but finds only a can of beans.

V. After the midday storm, I venture out in my bathrobe to clear the yard of limbs. My house shoes sploosh and gasp in the mud, a wheezy sponge where there used to be a firm lawn. The first new drops begin to fall, tapping my shoulder. I leave the job undone and go inside.

VI. I roam the house, turning out lights, looking for the source of the noise. Venturing onto the portico, I spy the neighbors, barefoot on their back deck, dancing in the rain, kissing. The portable CD player is nestled safe and dry beneath the eaves. It is midnight.

“Brian Wilson Says” was constructed from a handful of 130-character microessays that I had submitted to Creative Nonfiction during a 12-month period beginning in the Fall of 2009. While listening to my iPod in shuffle mode, The Beach Boys’ “Add Some Music to Your Day” came on, and I decided to compose this in the imagined voice of the group’s leader.

This piece originally appeared at fictionaut.com on 29 September 2010.

III. “If you give this man a ride, sweet Emily will die.”

– from “Riders on the Storm” (1971) by The Doors

[Written to Alice in Acton, Indiana.  Return addressed: Richard, Ward 11, U.S.N.H., St. Albans, L.I., N.Y.  Postmarked at Jamaica, N.Y., on 13 Feb 1946 at 1 P.M.]

Feb. 13, 1946

Hello Sweetheart,

     I don’t know as yet, but this letter may be a little short.  It depends on how fast I go with it.  I have an appointment at 10 this morning to get that muscles test I told you about.

     I received 2 letters and a card yesterday.  Yep – the card was from Uncle Art.  This time we had a picture of the Wingate Christian Church.  He just said the usual things and that he had the storage room cleared up.

     I ran into Stackroth yesterday.  Do you remember my telling you about him?  He was in the next fox-hole to me when he was hit.  He is being surveyed and expects to get out within the next two months.  That’s about the only thing that happened yesterday.  The barber came around to the ward and scalped me and we had the usual movie last night.  It was on the ward and I think the name of it was “The Remarkable Andrew.”  It was as crazy as usual.  Andrew Jackson and some other ghosts came back to help his name-sake out of trouble.  It was made in 1941 I think.

     What the devil goes on in the bedtoom?  Why should the door always be unlatched in the morning?  Do you know when it’s opened?  Is anything ever touched?  I can understand about the bath room, but nobody should have any reason for going into the bedroom.  Tell me more about it.

     Do you ever read parts of my letters to the folks?  Or do you just tell them the news?  You tell them don’t you?  Occassionally you might tell them I asked about them and tell them “hello” for me or something.

     Did the bank send a statement?  You didn’t say anything about it in your letter.  Sweetheart, the next time I call (Sat. or Sun.) I’ll reverse the charges and talk to Dad too.  O.K.?  That should make him feel a little better, don’t you think?

     Turner’s doctor in 104 examined his leg the other day.  He was pressing around the scar and commenting on how firmly it was healed and he split it open about 2 inches at the knee.  That made Turner very happy.  That’s the hardest spot to heal and they won’t let him back on this ward until it’s all healed.  He spends most of his time down here though.

     It’s time to go see how and if my muscles are improving.

     Good-night Sweetheart
          I love you with all my heart
              Pleasant dreams
                   Goodnight Sweetheart
                             x x
                                  ‘Nite

The first 9.5 minutes of The Remarkable Andrew (1942):

II. “I swear you were born a weavers lover, born for the loom’s desire. / Move me, oh sway me. / Emily, you ornament the earth for me.”

– from “Emmie” (1968) by Laura Nyro

Card is titled: “Hall of Waters – America’s Haven of Health – Excelsior Springs, Mo.  6A-H2173.”

Printed on the back of the postcard:

EXCELSIOR SPRINGS, MO.
T H E  S P A
with Ten Famous Mineral Waters
The Hall of Waters is part of the new million dollar mineral water system completed and now in operation.

Publication information: “C.T. Art-Colortone”  Reg. U.S. Pat. Off.  The Allis Press, Kansas City, Mo.

(photograph: Bob Gomel/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Image)

I have an instant “out” whenever someone asks me who my favorite Beatle is, since I share a birthday with George Harrison. But for the rest of you, it may not be so easy.

Barring consideration of George and Ringo – who does that really groovy shaking thing with his head while drumming – it’s a duel between songwriting partners John and Paul. I loved Paul growing up, and was a huge fan of Wings, his post-Beatles group. But I find that, these days, I’d rather listen to John’s solo work. That is, when I’m not listening to George.

I thought it would be a fun game to try to compare just what makes both John and Paul great by focusing on what each was able to accomplish without the other as a creative cohort. Listen up, and keep your own score.

1. McCartney  “Another Day”  (1971)
2. Lennon  “Instant Karma!”  (1970)

45 RPM
Prior to releasing their first solo albums, Paul and John released little vinyl 45 RPM singles…remember those? “Another Day” was Paul’s first; “Instant Karma!” was John’s third (after “Give Peace a Chance” and “Cold Turkey”).

__________

3. McCartney  “Maybe I’m Amazed”  (1970)
4. Lennon  “Mother”  (1970)

Album One, Side One, Song One
Just as it says above, these are the first songs off the first sides of their first full-length solo albums: Paul’s McCartney and John’s Plastic Ono Band.

__________

5. McCartney  “All Shook Up”  (1999)
6. Lennon  “Stand By Me”  (1975)

Roots
John explored his rock & roll roots by recording an album of rock covers aptly named Rock ‘n’ Roll. Paul did it twice, with 1988’s Choba C CCCP and 1999’s Run Devil Run.

__________

7. McCartney  “Really Love You”  (1997)
8. Lennon  “I Found Out”  (1970)

Riffs
Though they may not have necessarily been built around them, this pair of songs seems to be propped up responsibly by some sturdy guitar and rhythmic riffing.

__________

9. McCartney  “Oh Woman, Oh Why”  (1971)
10. Lennon  “Woman”  (1980)

Women
John is so unapologetically in love here, but are those gunshots I hear in the background of “Oh Woman, Oh Why?”

__________

11. McCartney  “The Lovely Linda”  (1970)
12. Lennon  “Oh Yoko!”  (1971)

Wives
I think that Yoko wins the name-check sweepstakes (there’s also 1980’s “Dear Yoko”), despite John’s shorter recording career. Does that mean that her inspirations were necessarily a good thing? And what about tambourine-wielding backup singer Linda…?

__________

13. McCartney  “Junk”  (1970)
14. Lennon  “#9 Dream”  (1974)

Dreaminess
Even though you may say that John’s a dreamer, he’s certainly not the only one: “Junk” may, with the long view of history, turn out to be one of Paul’s most enduring melodies, a lullaby of lilting wistfulness.

__________

15. McCartney  “Looking for Changes”  (1993)
16. Lennon  “John Sinclair”  (1972)

Causes
Paul rallies here for PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and John makes the case to get imprisoned 1960’s activist Sinclair back on the streets.

__________

17. McCartney  “Freedom”  (2001)
18. Lennon  “Imagine”  (1971)

Anthems
Paul’s “Freedom” was written in response to the attacks of 9/11. You’re probably very familiar with the other song, some ditty about world peace.

__________

19. McCartney with Steve Miller  “Used to Be Bad”  (1997)
20. Lennon with Elton John  “Whatever Gets You Through the Night”  (1974)

Collaborations
Look! Here come Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson, arm in arm, singing about racial harmony. Let’s look the other way: there’s Paul jamming with Steve Miller, washing that awful prior vision from our minds. And John and Elton are jamming, too: this was John’s only #1 single in America during his lifetime. 

__________

21. McCartney  “The End of the End”  (2007)
22. Lennon  “Grow Old with Me”  (1980)

Aging
It happens to everyone.

Approximate playing time: 78 minutes.

[Written to Alice in Acton, Indiana.  Return addressed: Richard, Ward 11, U.S.N.H., St. Albans, L.I., N.Y.  Postmarked at Jamaica, N.Y., on 12 Feb 1946 at 1 P.M.]

Feb. 12, 1946

Hello Sweetheart,

     Well, here we go bright and early this morning.  The time is now exactly eight minutes until eight o’clock Eastern Standard Time.  We had a little change last night.  At midnight Mayor O’Dwyer shut down the stores, factories, places of entertainment including bars, night clubs, and shows, and part of the subways.  All because of the tug boat strike.  They can’t get enough coal over from Jersey.  I guess the city is a pretty dead place.  I don’t know whether it will effect the hospital or not.  I don’t think it will.  Yesterday’s paper said that the civilian hospitals were getting first priorities.  I guess the only tug boats operating in the harbor are Army and Navy.  The harbor is supposed to be full of loaded freighters but they can’t come into the piers and unload without the tugs assistance.  You probably saw that the Queen Mary just arrived with a load of GI brides.  Army tugs brought her into the pier.  That reminds me of another little article I read in the paper yesterday about a GI groom from London.  He married a WAC over three years ago and he is still trying to get over here to her.  He was griping because all the GI brides could get over here but he couldn’t.  Too, too bad, isn’t it?

     We went to the show last night and saw “Spellbound.”  What a picture that was!!  I don’t think there was hardly a sane person in it.  After you saw the picture, you werent even sure about yourself.  When we got back to the ward, there was a show on here.  It was short subjects.  I don’t know how we rate all the entertainment in this ward.  They are overdoing it so much that I am even getting tired of movies.

     We had sick call yesterday.  The doctors didn’t even look at my shoulder.  They just ordered some kind of muscles test and said they would operate in a week or so.  The scab came off Sunday night in the shower but it’s O.K.  Now the only thing left between me and the operation as far as I am concerned is that the muscles are still a little firm around the scar.  They should soften up sufficiently before much longer.  I can sure tell the a difference in what they were a week ago.  Then all I’ll have to do is talk Anderson into operating.

     The only time I can go down to Brooklyn now is on Friday morning.  This friday is pay day so I guess I won’t go until I at least find out if they are going to pay me.  Let’s hope.

     Good-night Sweetheart
          I love you with all my heart
               Pleasant dreams
                    Goodnight Sweetheart
                              x x
                                   ‘Nite

The Salvador Dali-designed dream sequence from Alfred Hitchcock’s Spellbound (1945), followed by other film clips designed by Dali:

I’m banging my head against the wall trying to configure my Outlook program. Well, the fact is, I’m not banging my head against the wall, and I’m not even banging it against the monitor or the flat wooden area directly in front of me. Only figuratively am I banging, but quite literally I am getting a headache.

Because I don’t have to move around much to do so, I take a long moment of pause to scroll through the volumes of e-mail messages that are sequestered in a folder labeled “Laser’s Edge.” After I announced the imminent closing of my former business on 1 November 2007, I received a flood of e-mails that I stashed in this folder.  Most of these form a chorus of “Say it ain’t so!” and I have easily become wistful scanning through them.  Then, my eyes fall upon one letter, in particular.

I remember reading this letter when I first received it in my inbox three years ago. Everything in the room went silent then, as if in the thrall of some cinematic effect, and my focus was completely on the text. I don’t know that I had ever received such a heartfelt note. I certainly hadn’t received one written with such grace. Those memories come back in a rush now, as I read it again. My headache is gone, or perhaps I just no longer notice it.

29 November 2007

Fred:

You will not know who I am by reading the name at the end of this message though I suspect you would recognize my entire family if (and when) we step into your store. I just felt I had to write and express my complete dismay at the closing of Laser’s Edge.

I am truly at a loss to know where I will go to get my music “fix.” Perhaps I am partly to blame as I/we are a Napster and iTunes family but those will NEVER replace the rush I feel when I walk through your doors and through some conversation with you or your staff find some really great and usually overlooked gem that turns out to be a must-have.

Even more than the sadness that my husband and I feel, my real concern is for my kids, ages 5 and 11. I have just assumed that Laser’s Edge would be where my 11 year old would get his first part-time job, or at the very least would be the place he would spend much of his allowance and free time once he was old enough to ride his bike to your store. He has been a true music lover since he was very young (as opposed to his ripe old age now) and several times you or one of your staff has taken the time to talk with him about the latest with the Strokes or what in the world Christian Punk is when he went through his Hawk Nelson phase. His music education will be lessened with the closing of Laser’s Edge. He too feels the loss and has been upset to hear the news.

As for my 5 year old, who I must admit tends toward the Kidz Bop side of music at the moment, there is also an impact. The last time we were in the store she had the headphones on and was listening to Bruce Springsteen’s latest. She had those oversized headphones on her little face and was rockin’ out and said “Hey mommy, this guy is good!” Because I too wanted to listen to a sample of his latest I had to force her off the headphones so I could get a listen. The only way I coerced her off of Bruce was convincing her she would enjoy Bettye LaVette’s latest. So there we were, me listening to the Boss, my 5 year old listening to Bettye LaVette while my 11 year old was deep in conversation about John Mayer with the gentleman behind the counter. A true and unique “only in Homewood” experience.

And though I cannot speak for my husband, I know that he will have one less place to go to find me that little gem of a birthday or Christmas gift that I have not heard of and that he probably bought based on your recommendation, and that I always love and appreciate. Last year it was Hem. So I thank you for that!

So this is just the impact on one small family in Homewood and I know there are many more stories such as this that you may or may not have heard since you announced the closing of Laser’s Edge. I will miss your store, your weekly e-mails and mostly your true appreciation and love of music that you have been so willing to share with my family over the past 8 years.

Good Luck to you. You will be missed.

In musical respect,
The [——–] Family

A couple of weeks after I received this e-mail, Mrs. [——–] walked through the door of my shop. Inventory had become noticably thinner, and frames were beginning to come down off the wall. She looked right at me and smiled warmly before the door had even shut behind her. “Did you get my e-mail?” she asked. I immediately knew who she was. Though she accurately said at the start of her note, “You will not know who I am by reading the name at the end of this message though I suspect you would recognize my entire family when we step into your store,” I knew this kind person could only have been referring to one e-mail. No one else could have written it.

And, for the record, I remember having that conversation about John Mayer.