Spitball Army

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Today was a buy-your-lunch day, so I went gourmet and cheap: Taco Bell. It’s been a particularly rough couple of weeks, and, feeling a little positivity seeping back into me since the day so far hadn’t sucked too badly (yes, the standard for measuring a good day has fallen into the abysmal pits), I decided […]

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A rare visit today to the Birmingham Barnes & Noble (by virtue of being near my doctor’s office) was cut short due to the introduction of St. Paul and the Broken Bones on their sound system. I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough. I swear, that belly-flopper of a lead vocalist wants to be […]

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I walk into work Monday and before I can even log in to the store system, three people have stopped me to ask what I think of the New Refrigerator in my department. New Refrigerator? I ask. IT HAS A STEREO BUILT IN! they each swoon, wide-eyed, slack-jawed. Indeed, our Whirlpool representative is on site, […]

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An asymptomatic condition of some concern to my primary physician found me sitting in a specialist’s examining room on a recent morning. Pushed up alongside one wall was the examination table: a well-worn piece of equipment with cracking leather corners, faded paint on its legs forcing a resemblance to an abandoned pommel horse base circa […]

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Someone walked by me yesterday and laughed aloud to herself, clearly amused at her own thought which she proceeded to share with me. “Have you ever seen that movie Drop Dead Fred?” she asked, chuckling, so apparently proud of having made the connection between my name and a film of dubious quality. “No” was my […]

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Nearly every band that played at our San Diego high school dances in the mid-’70s tried their hand at Steely Dan’s “My Old School.” Everyone would scream and holler when the song began because, well, it was about OUR school, of course (why not, right?), and we were either willfully ignoring the fact that one-half […]

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Corey is standing just outside the entrance to the Winn-Dixie, fanning the smoke from the multiple rib racks cooking on the grill: it’s billowing right at his face in a steady smoke-stream, but none of us, myself included, bother to mention to him that he’d have an easier time breathing if he’d only step one […]

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